Getting Out Of the Game of Prostitution – An INN THE BASEMENT EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
GETTING OUT OF THE GAME OF PROSTITUTION – an interview with an ex-call girl telling us how she got out of the game.
Firstly, I would like to thank you Dawn for agreeing to share, not only with INN THE BASEMENT, but the rest of the world, your life story which entails your escaping or being rescued from basically yourself. I want to begin with how you actually got introduced to the call girl profession?
Dawn: I had been living with a man who I was engaged to at the time, and I quit my job to pursue the medical field. Up until that time I had nothing but bad relationships with men. No man had ever loved me in “a pure way.” Men I was with always seemed to either cheat on me or lust for other women. I took this as a reflection on me. I figured it was because I wasn’t beautiful enough or I was too fat, etc. I had a million reasons why and they all pointed to me. I was very sexually active with several men, and it made me feel good that men wanted me, but it left me feeling empty.
Three years into my relationship with my fiancé it was going bad, really fast. He was an alcoholic and a porn addict. The entire three year relationship dealing with his two addictions really took its toll on me, I had no self-esteem, I thought I wasn’t good for anything and that no one would ever love me. One morning I got up and went downstairs into the kitchen and he was already drunk. I told him I was leaving him, I couldn’t take it anymore. That’s when he snapped. He tried to stab me but luckily he was too drunk to succeed. He was arrested and he went to live at his mom’s house because I had a restraining order against him. I couldn’t afford the mortgage on my own, especially being that I had no job. I had 30 days to leave the property.
At that point I hated life. I hated everything in life. I hated myself. I hated men even worse. I gave my whole heart and soul to a man who told me I could trust him, and in the end he just crushed my whole being. I felt worthless and didn’t care if I died. I contemplated suicide several times.
I was looking for a job when I saw an ad for an “escort.” Stupid me I thought it was no sex, just going on dates with guys like you usually see in the movies. I thought sex was optional and figured I wouldn’t have sex with the guys, just go on the dates. When I met my pimp he asked me if I knew what I would be doing. I told him “yes, I get paid to go on dates.” My pimp replied “exactly.” My first client I met in a motel room and it was anything but a date. It was at that time that I figured out real fast that I was nothing but a high-priced hooker. I didn’t have sex with my first client, but the call was still sexual in nature. The money I made from that first call was the most I ever made at once. I was drawn in by the money. And that’s where it all started.
As a young girl, did you live in a neighborhood in which you had full access to become very knowledgeable about being a call girl or do you ever recall pondering this as something to do as a means to an end?
Dawn: I grew up in a nice neighborhood, and the only thing I ever knew of prostitution were the girls on the streets in the drug areas of the next town over. As a teenager I remember watching a Lifetime Television movie in which a young girl was an escort. She went on dates with rich guys, it all looked glamorous. She had sex with only one of them that I remember, and it was because she was falling in love with him. I thought to myself “wow I can’t believe how much money you can make doing that!” As I got older I would see newspaper ads hiring for escorts. I thought about trying it, and the thought never occurred to me that sex was involved. I thought sex was an option and not expected. I contemplated it solely for the money I would make, but I never called the ads because I was too scared. I even mentioned it to a friend and he agreed that it was good money and he thought about it too, but he never thought sex was expected either.
It has been stated from different people on television and on the streets that being a call girl doesn’t involve sex all the time. Could you give us some feedback on the amount of time that is just dedicated to friendly chit chat versus actual sexual activity?
Dawn: It is very rare that I came across men who didn’t want some form of sexual activity. Not all men wanted actual sexual intercourse either, but sexual activity was almost always involved.
I can only recall two men who didn’t want to do anything sexual. The first man was having an argument with his wife and he paid me for one hour to sit and talk about it with me. The second man just wanted to take me to dinner. I had seen hundreds of men during this time in my life, so less than 1% of those men did not want sex. That’s a very small amount. So while it’s true that sex isn’t involved all the time, it’s safe to say that sex is involved a great majority of the time.
Had you ever been placed in any danger as a call girl and what are the odds of things going sorely and viciously wrong during the liaisons?
Dawn: Every time you go and see a client you are placing yourself in danger. My pimp always knew where I was at and I would call him after the money transaction took place. If I was longer than an hour he would call me. But that is not enough. A client could kill me and I could be dead for one hour before my pimp would know. So it’s still not safe even when you have a pimp. At one point I started seeing clients in a different area of NJ, so my pimp was 45 minutes away – too far for anyone to come to my aid.
There were many times where things could’ve gone wrong. It is only by the grace of God that His hand was protecting me during this time. In one instance, I had a client who wanted a specific service that I charged extra for. He didn’t have the money so basically he didn’t get what he was looking for. After our session, he suddenly got angry, stating that he wanted the extra service. He started throwing things across the room at me and yelling at me. I quickly got dressed because I feared my life at that point. I thought for sure he would try to take by force what I wouldn’t give him. He became more violent and was yelling and screaming at me. I ran out the door so fast and ran to my car. I was shaking and scared. Another time a client started hitting me during the session and would not stop when I told him too. Fortunately I was able to leave without being harmed any further. One client became obsessed with me. He tried to rape me with out protection because he wanted to impregnate me. I escaped and he would call me and I would refuse to see him. He knew the places where I saw clients and would sometimes wait for me. I knew the kind of truck he drove so I would always sneak around going thru back doors and parking in different areas so he wouldn’t see me. He would try to follow me when he did spot me. I was able to outsmart him and soon he gave up. He probably just fixated on another girl, that’s just the type of guy he was. There are many other instances where I was in danger and was scared for my life. I just thank God that His divine hand of protection was upon me.
The vast range of clients that this business attracts is almost unbelievable. You can get anyone from a meek and polite businessman to a serial killer who preys on call girls because they are easy targets. You are putting yourself in a situation that anything can happen – rape, beating, and even murder. I was fortunate in that I was never seriously hurt. But many other girls are not so fortunate. It’s like playing a game of Russian roulette every time you go on a call. I would say it’s extremely dangerous and it’s not worth your life.
Was there a time where you felt worthless and that no one loved or cared about you as a prostitute and that you wanted to give up on life?
Dawn: YES!!! So many times!! I can’t tell you how many times I would be driving on the highway, crying, feeling worthless and meaningless. I felt as if no one cared about me, and felt totally unworthy of real love. I wanted to drive my car off the highway and hit a pole, that way I would die quickly. I came so close to killing myself that way. Other times I would just drink or get high. I lived with three male roommates and they would frequently have parties. So I would just finish my day of working, come home and drink and get high for the night. That way I didn’t have to face the reality that I was nothing but a fancy hooker who meant nothing to anybody.
In this industry, men are constantly telling you good things about yourself. “You’re beautiful,” “you’re sexy,” “I wish we could get married,” “you’re every man’s fantasy,” etc. But the whole thing is one big lie. I lied to men about EVERYTHING, and they may have thought I was beautiful but I knew they didn’t want to marry me. I knew I was nothing to them but an object to be used for their pleasure.
Dating was very hard at this time. I was constantly searching for someone to love me for me. I would go out with some guys, and never tell them what I did for a living, I would usually just lie about it – everything in my life was a lie at that point. I remember I liked this one guy and after our first date he wanted to have sex with me. I was so disappointed and I told him no. He never called me again. I was crushed, heartbroken! I thought that life was showing me that all I was good for was sex. I wasn’t worthy enough, or good enough, to be loved for what’s inside of me, to be loved for the person that I was. Men I dated just wanted to get me into bed, no one cared that I was smart. No one wanted to know what made me laugh or cry. I would cry alone at night in my bed, feeling lonely and hating my life. In the morning, I would apply my makeup and get dressed, and as I did that I would slowly become someone else. I would become “Heather.” Heather was my main escort name. I would become her and push all those feelings down under the rug of my heart. I would become a happy, vibrant, sexy young woman who loved spending time with all her clients. If anyone would’ve asked me if I was happy at that time, I would’ve said ‘yes.’ Why? Because saying ‘no’ would mean facing all those feelings I harbored inside. It would mean facing reality, and I couldn’t cope with reality.
At what point, Dawn, did you decide that it was time for you to stop? Was it an emotion, conscience, etc.?
Dawn: Emotionally I became a wreck. I was getting so completely drunk now that I would pass out. I was doing drugs regularly as well. I thought I was going to die, and I wrote a long letter to my family and friends, to be read upon my death. I became so overwhelmed with my emotional state that I decided I could not do this anymore. But the problem was that I was so trapped in the bondage of this lifestyle that I couldn’t really see clearly. I was wrapped in fear. I was afraid to get out. Afraid of what? Afraid of everything! It was an irrational fear that gripped me. I sent out about 15 resumes and no one called me. If anyone did call me I might have refused a job anyway because I was afraid. A lot of people can’t really understand this. Many people just say “well why didn’t you just get out of it and get a regular job?” That sounds so easy, and it sounds like the perfect solution. But the problem is that when you’re in it, you can’t see past your emotions. It’s a bondage of fear that Satan puts on you to keep you where he wants you. This fear is a horrific fear, and you just continue escorting because you’re convinced there is no way out.
I would pray to God every night to get me out of this, and every day I would wake up and turn myself into “Heather” and go to work. It was cycle going downwards, and I literally felt empty inside, I felt like inside of me was dying. Little did I realize how true that was.
Did you grow up knowing about Jesus or were you introduced to Him as the Savior of the world?
Dawn: I was raised Roman Catholic. I knew that Jesus was the son of God, I knew He died for my sins. That was about it. I knew a lot of Catholic doctrine, and didn’t know any scripture. Roman Catholicism involves a lot of “ritual” but no “relationship.” As a result I fell away as a teenager, not ever feeling connected to God in any way whatsoever. Going thru the time of my life as an escort, I knew God existed and that I could pray to Him, but I didn’t think He would do anything. I figured God was up there in heaven seeing me but not being involved in my life in any way. Little did I know that He heard my prayers for deliverance.
How did you know or at what point did you know that Jesus was the Way?
Dawn: The last two months in the industry, I was overcome with this feeling that I was missing something. I was searching for something unseen. I believed in reincarnation at the time, and I thought I had some unresolved issues with my past life. At times I thought I was searching for my soul mate from a past life. Whatever it was I thought I was searching for, I knew that it was the answer to finding that life long love I was looking for.
At one point I thought that I had to get back to God. I felt drawn to Him, it felt “right” to try to get back to Him, if that makes any sense. All I knew of God was thru Roman Catholicism, so I went to a Catholic bookstore and bought rosary beads. I did them faithfully every night, thinking that I was getting closer to God. After a few weeks I still felt so empty. I tossed the beads in my dresser drawer in such despair. “This isn’t working!!!” I cried and cried not understanding how to please God and get Him in my life.
One night, I was driving home and I was thinking about God. I was feeling lonely and desperate and empty. Suddenly I heard a voice in my car with me. The voice said “go buy a bible.” I wasn’t scared at all, and at that point the bookstore was right there! I turned in and bought a bible and brought it home. It may sound strange that I wasn’t scared at the voice, and in hindsight I don’t know why I wasn’t terrified. But there was nothing scary about the voice. I bought the bible and read a few psalms. It was a catholic bible and for some reason I had a hard time understanding it. I couldn’t grasp what I was reading, it was like a mental block. But I still made the effort.
A few weeks later I met a man named Curtis. He told me about Jesus Christ. He talked about Jesus in a way I have never heard before. I was excited to hear about Him. I wanted to know more. I asked a dozen questions. He explained everything I ever wanted to know about Jesus and God, and I understood everything! It all clicked and made sense. I knew that Jesus was what I was looking for! The Jesus that Curtis told me about was what I was looking for. He spoke of a Jesus that was real and alive, a Jesus that I could talk to and He would talk back to me. A Jesus that loved me personally, a Jesus that knew everything in my heart and a Jesus that wanted to fill the emptiness inside of me.
It was at that point, when Curtis witnessed to me, that I knew what it was I was looking for. I was looking for a man just like I thought, but this man just happened to be God! And His name is Jesus Christ.
Please discuss your transformation inside from prostitute to a transformed woman of God through Jesus Christ.
Dawn: I met Curtis that weekend and we bought a bible. It was a New King James bible, and I started reading it right away. Amazingly enough, I understood everything! It wasn’t like before with the other bible where it wasn’t making sense. With this bible I understood everything I was reading. I read Matthew, then skipped around reading different epistles. I started reading things in scripture I never heard of, much less was taught. It was like my eyes were open. Curtis explained the importance of repentance. I saw in the scriptures where all the apostles preached a message of repentance and salvation through Jesus Christ. I knew that I must turn away from my life of escorting, drugs, and drinking, and turn completely towards Jesus Christ. I knew I could not have one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom. I knew that if I was serious about serving Christ that I would have to bring forth fruits worthy of repentance.
I was so scared! Curtis encouraged me in the Lord and reassured me that God would not let anyone hurt me. I escorted for two more weeks, and I basically only saw my regular clients because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I didn’t want to hurt Jesus by prostituting myself after He used Curtis to reveal Himself to me. I prayed and prayed for Jesus to help me. After two weeks I quit. My pimp had gone away to Iraq for a few weeks, and I gave the cell phone and the book to another girl I worked with, and told her to tell our pimp that I found Jesus Christ and I’m not doing this anymore.
When he came back from Iraq he called me and threatened to harm my parents because he knew where they lived. He never did them any harm, and he may have been lying I don’t know. But he left again to go overseas and I never heard from him again. Curtis and I fell in love with one another, and almost two months after we met we got married at the courthouse. He supported me financially, and I eventually got a job as a chiropractic assistant.
We read the Word together every night. I asked him questions when I didn’t understand something. I prayed to God in the name of Jesus Christ and I started to understand the depths of His love for me. Depths that I could not measure. I got rid of most of my clothes because I felt naked wearing them. I realized that it was the Holy Spirit convicting me of wearing clothes not pleasing to God. I didn’t start wearing long skirts by no means, but instead of dressing to look sexy, I started dressing to look nice. Big change for me.
It’s like Jesus gave me a new heart. Music I used to listen to now tasted bad to me, it was sickening, literally. My whole perspective on life changed, and I saw things through His eyes. I saw the world as lost and dying, and I wanted to help save as many souls and I could.
I saw the reality of what being a call girl is about. I realized the demonic stronghold it had on my life, a stronghold so powerful that only the power of Jesus Christ could break it. I had nightmares for months after I turned to Christ, and I saw in the spirit regularly after that too. I would wake up feeling like I was being choked, and only calling out to Jesus would make it stop. It’s these experiences that spoke of the real life evil at work in the spirit realm when living that kind of life. Satan and his angels are very real and are at work in people’s lives daily. He came to steal, kill, and destroy. And that’s what he’s doing every day. It’s only the power of Jesus Christ that can overcome him. And I experienced that spiritual battle for my soul when I turned from the ways of evil and turned to the light of the world.
After your salvation, did you go through struggles of wanting to return to that lifestyle and did you change your associates? If you did change your associates, do you feel that was a necessary ingredient to getting out and staying out of prostitution?
Dawn: I never desired to return to that lifestyle. At times of financial struggle I would hear the enemy whisper in my ear about how much money I could make in one day. I would hear a voice tempting me to just work one day and that’s it I could stop. I had to cast down those thoughts because those thoughts were not mine but seeds the enemy was planting. Most of the people I associated with in that time were gang members, because I was also a gang member myself. I had to leave all that behind because leaving the gang meant them killing me. I had no choice but to leave and disappear. I did tell the other girl I worked with about Jesus Christ, but she really wasn’t interested. I think when you leave that lifestyle that there is a healthy degree of godly separation from the world that must take place, and that is something that is different for everyone because there are so many different situations other people are in. The temptation can be strong to return to that life, especially in times of financial struggle. Removing yourself from that world can help you overcome those temptations.
If there were words that you could speak, write, or shout to every woman out there who may think that there is nothing wrong with prostitution or just can’t seem to get out, what would those words be?
Dawn: Prostitution is nothing like what Hollywood and TV says it is. It’s not glamorous, fun, or exciting. It tears you apart from the inside out, very slowly. You lose yourself completely and at times you think you are going insane. Sex was never meant to be just “an act” to be performed and then done with, if that was the case the there wouldn’t be so much damage done to girls in this line of work. Statistics have shown that girls in this line of work usually suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. That is something that Vietnam war veterans were suffering from upon returning home from the war. To see that prostitutes are suffering from this also demonstrates how dangerous and spiritually unhealthy this industry is.
To any girl who feels trapped in the industry I would say this: There is a way out! I know it is scary and I understand the fear! Jesus Christ can break that bondage you feel, He can take away the fear, and He can create circumstances in your life to help you. Believe, have faith and trust in the Lord Jesus, and He will remain faithful and never let anyone hurt you. He will love you with a love that no one here on earth could ever love you. There are several ministries out there dedicated to helping women transition out of this lifestyle. If you need help please contact one of them below. They are all run by women who are former sex industry workers and they understand what you are going through. And remember, Jesus Christ loves you and He came to set you free!
Thank you so much, Dawn. Your insight into the call girl lifestyle and the transformed lifestyle of living for Jesus only reminds us that Jesus is the Way to change hearts, renew minds, and save souls. He is also alive with power, mercy, forgiveness and grace. I am your sister in Christ also. Thank you for time with me, Mirika, and INN THE BASEMENT.
Beauty from Ashes Ministries
Shelley Lubben Ministries
Another Chance Ministries: The ministry of Susan Stafford
Hookers for Jesus: Ministry of Annie Lobert