An INNTHEBASEMENT exclusive interview with Sunida York, author of He's Not Your Boyfriend If...She's Not Your Girlfriend If...

www.sunidaepublications.com

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MIRIKA ( ITB ): 
It's great to have you check INN THE BASEMENT, Sunida, author of He's Not Your Boyfriend If...She's Not Your Girlfriend If....  The title comes off like it's a tell all book, almost as if it could give some advice to thousands.  Tell us about this latest book and the big warning that you have for the faint at heart.

Sunida: 
Thank you for inviting me INN THE BASEMENT, Mirika! You know, I never thought of the book as a tell all. The idea for the book arose from me laughing at myself one day, literally. I give a longer description of how the concept came to me in the introduction of the book but the shortened version is that after many years of an on-again-off-again so-called relationship, I found myself again wondering where I stood with that guy after a phone conversation in which he was just so, so nice. It left me wondering if he wanted things to work out, if he still wanted to be my “boyfriend.” I said to myself (out loud), “Fool, he is not your boyfriend!” 

During that initial moment of chastising myself for even thinking that he might actually want things to work out with us, came my first scenario. A few hours later, more scenarios popped into my head so I grabbed a pen and paper to write them down. Two days later, I decided to ask a friend of mine who is an established writer if she wanted to collaborate on the book with me. I gave her the concept and read the title and some of the scenarios to her. She thought it was really funny and agreed to work with me. When I showed her the number of scenarios that I had come up with thus far, she said, “Girl, you don’t need me! You’ve got that book written.” She read through more of the scenarios and she told me that she thought the book would definitely be a best-seller. 

Now, it did occur to me that the introduction might be a bit too personal. I previewed the book to a hand full of relatives and friends. They loved it! They also thought that it would sell easily because it’s raw, hilarious and most of all true. There were a couple of my girls who sited religious reasons for objecting to the profanity that I use in the book. That’s when the warning came to mind… [Warning: Not For The Delicate, Dignified and Dainty. Contains Adult Language. Brazen, Bold and Brutally Honest Content] It’s out there in bright red so that people could be forewarned. I decided that if the introduction was deemed too personal, the reader could easily by-pass it and go straight to the scenarios (besides, it’s my story and who better to tell it than me? I didn’t mention any names but my own. No harm, no foul). 

As for the language, it’s adult humor for crying out loud! If you’ve been to a regular old comedy show, you watch movies that are rated “R,” or if you’ve been privy to the conversation of many a teenager today, then you’ve already heard this type of language in some context. Truth be told, a lot of y’all have used that type of language yourselves if you’re honest enough to admit it. And just in case you’re wondering… yes, I have at some point in my life used every word that’s in the book. Catch me on a bad day and I still may. 

The book is written in the vain of stand-up comedy. However, I do want to let everyone know that all of the scenarios are not about me, people. Believe it or not, some people actually think that. Only a few of them are based on my relationship experience or lack thereof depending on how you look at it. The others are based on things that I’ve witnessed or heard about. I just felt that it was better for all of us who are relationship-challenged to have a good time laughing about it instead of feeling down about it. 

Mirika ( ITB ) :
Gotcha! So,why did you decide to put it out there like you did in He's Not Your Boyfriend If...She's Not Your Girlfriend If.... ? I read some of the "advice" drops that you gave, and many were very true!    For instance, here is an excerpt that I read, 

He's not your boyfriend if...   
He holds any of the following closer 
and more often than he holds you...   
Jack Daniels, Smirnoff, Bud, Bacardi,or Absolute.  
He's an alcoholic, RUN GIRL, RUN!

She's not your girlfriend if...   
She moved in with nothing but now the house,  
the cars, etc. are "mine," "ours," or "hers."     
uh... b***** is a gold digger, hello! 
 
From where do you draw your insight or do you consider it just plain common sense?

Sunida:
Well, Mirika, I really am a straight forward person. I’ve always believed that if you lie, you’ll be forced to cover that lie with another and so on. It’s better and easier to just tell the truth. In addition, I have always been pretty quiet, shy, kind and considerate. People often mistook those traits for weakness. So, over the years (especially during my military service), I had to become more assertive to let folks know that I was not a push-over like they thought. 

When I was writing the book, the assertiveness just kicked in. I didn’t really think about how I was writing what I wrote. I just wrote it down the way that it came to me. I did think about scaling back on the cussing so as not to offend anyone but the reality of life is that you cannot please everyone all the time. Besides, when I read a quip without the spicy language, it just didn’t have the same kick. Some people object to the use of foul language and that’s okay. But, Mirika, the people who enjoy some good old cussin’ really love the book. It’s a big hit amongst the college students but I’ve also sold it to older people, folks who said that they were Christians, a husband who knew his wife would get a kick out of it, many people who can identify with the whole love gone wrong thing and mothers who want their teenage daughters to know how they should not allow themselves to be treated. 

So, for the people who appreciate my honesty and the straight forward way that I’ve put it out there, you make me proud that I went with my instincts. That’s really how I operate. When the ideas come to me, I write them down and I don’t do a lot of re-writing. That’s what I’ve always done with the poetry and song lyrics. Now, I don’t know how well that’s going to work for my first novel but I hope to finish it soon and find out! As for the book giving advice, I think that for a lot of people, it’s just a walk down memory lane but with much more humor. So many people like to tell me which scenario applied to them by the numbers (For example, they’ll say, “I was number 5, 29 and 101!”). For some of the younger folks, they might see it as a sneak peak at some pitfalls that could potentially be a problem they can avoid if they pay attention as they read the book. When it comes to love, people tend to overlook a lot of things that they know are really not right because they don’t want to upset the other person. They are afraid of having the relationship end if they rock the boat. If you’re not being treated well, if you’re being used, if you’re being beaten or abused or even just ignored, if you know the other person is cheating, you have to take a stand and demand the respect that you deserve. So, my hope is that the reader is able to recognize and acknowledge that he or she is in fact in one of the scenarios if that is indeed the case. And if so, that the reader can accept it for what it is (unhealthy for them, unworthy of them) and then get out of the relationship in a safe and timely manner. It all is just common sense but all too often common sense takes a back seat to our emotions.

Although the book is designed to make people laugh, I also wrote it with the intent of having people who are in bad relationships take a look at their situations and see them for what they really are. If they can’t be honest with themselves, then no amount of advice (no matter how it’s delivered --- with humor or as serious as a heart attack) is going to help them. That’s also why I didn’t have a problem writing the book the way that I did. It’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it. People are entitled to theirs as well. People will agree or disagree and it’s up to them what (if anything) they do with what I put out there.

Now, Mirika, I am a little biased when it comes to my sisters out there. I really want them to stand up for themselves because women are usually on the receiving end of the crap in bad relationships. Hold on men, before you jump nasty with me, I’m not saying that some of you don’t somehow get caught up with a woman who tries to be a female playa. I’m just speaking from my observations and most of the time it is the woman who is dutiful to the wandering and abusive man. Victims of love gone awry (or love that really never was) can be male or female and I cover both in the book. Just don’t be too ashamed or too timid to extricate yourself from a situation that is damaging to you in whatever manner. Love you more than that so-called relationship. Believe me, if the other person truly loved you, he or she would not feel so comfortable mistreating you. And you can’t change them. You can only change yourself. I made sure that I included the poems Wrong Far Too Long and My Sister’s Keeper in the hopes of encouraging someone in an abusive relationship to save herself and her children from that misery. Whether the abuse is verbal, mental or physical, no amount of love can change that type of behavior. You don’t want your children to grow up thinking that it is acceptable to treat someone like that or to be treated in that manner. I’m passionate about that. No one deserves to be treated with anything less than dignity and respect. I had my own encounter with a guy that I was dating. He grabbed me by the arms and shook me violently, leaving bruises on my right arm. I couldn’t get into a fight with him at that time because I was pregnant but it was a completely different type of party after I had my child. Let’s just say that it was his first and last time trying to get physical with me. No, I never had to hit him. He wasn’t willing to find out just what I might be capable of doing. That was a good thing ‘cause I don’t look good in orange and as a new friend of mine likes to say, “I’m too pretty for prison.” Ha! Ha! Really, though, it’s better to go your separate ways if you’re not compatible.

Mirika ( ITB ) : 
Now, I visited your site and saw that you also have a store where you sell merchandise related to your latest book, and I hear that you have another business getting ready to open in the works.  Can you give us a peek into it?

Sunida: 
Yes, I am selling my book from my website, www.sunidaepublications.com.
It can be ordered from your favorite bookstore as well as other online sites like Amazon.com and Barnes&Noble.com. I also sell a t-shirt that has the cover of the book on the front and one of the scenarios on the back. It gets people’s attention. I had some cute little bookmarks printed as well but customers get those free when they purchase a book.

I am more than happy to tell you about my next project, Mirika! There are already others doing the same type of business and I’m sure others will follow but that does not bother me at all. There’s room for everyone. This biz is going to be web based as well. It’s similar to something I did before but this time I hope that the venture will be more successful. I started out writing poetry. I’m not trying to sound boisterous when I say that I have this innate ability to capture a person’s essence without ever having met him or her. I simply take the information the client wants used in a poem and I create beautiful pieces that bring people to tears. There is nothing more satisfying than giving a customer a reading to make sure they like the poem and to be told that the reason you hear silence is not because the poem was not liked but because the listener is crying. That validates me. I know I’ve done my job right. 

The first time that a gentleman hired me, I really had doubts as to whether I would be able to meet his expectations because he was obviously a serious romantic who was about to marry his soul mate so he was really particular as the poem would be a part of his wedding gift to her. He said he was overjoyed with what I had done but he wanted a shortened version (he had provided a lot of information and I used it all. I ask customers to provide only the information that they want used in the poem but while relaying how their romance began, he included some things he actually did not want in the poem). I called him back to read the shortened version. His response was that he liked that one as well but he had totally fallen in love with the first one. He said that each time that he read it, he cried and he’d read it at least a hundred times! I was blown away. The reason that I decided to create a new website is because I’m changing the focus, the name and the price for my services. I recently wrote a poem for a mother as a tribute to her young son whom she had lost in a house fire. I had received the information from one of her friends so I never had any contact with the mother. When I couldn’t get her friend on the phone to run the poem past her, I read it to a trusted friend who helps me with my website. She does not have children but she felt that although the poem was beautiful, it was sad that the child would never get to hear how it expressed how his mother felt about him. She said, “Every child should be able to have a poem like that written about them, reflecting them and how much they’re loved before something tragic happens!” That reminded me of a song my Mom used to play a lot while I was growing up by a husband and wife gospel duo who called themselves The Consolers that talked about giving flowers and speaking kind words while the person lives and is able to appreciate and enjoy them. So, I want to be able to help people give their loved ones a poetic “flower” while the person is alive. 

A custom written poem will never wilt and it will be a lasting testament of how much that person is loved and valued. At $15.00 per poem, it will certainly be more affordable than a bouquet of flowers. It will be delivered to the purchaser by email so that it can be printed (and hopefully framed) by them before presenting it to their loved one. I can print it and mail it if the customer contacts me in time (for an additional fee of $5.00) but I will not be offering framing services (besides, that’s the easy part and the customer can save money by doing it themselves). So, everybody visit me at www.flowersinink.com for a gift your loved one will adore! It will reflect your sentiments because you provide the information that will be the basis of my inspiration for the poem. Be sure to check out a poem I recently wrote, The Star, on my new site. It’s my Flower In Ink to every young person with the hope that it encourages and inspires them. As a matter of fact, I’d love for you to print it at the end of this interview so that those who have never experienced my poetry can have a taste. Print it and frame it for your child, folks. But don’t try to make any money off of it. That’s called (say it with me now) Copyright infringement. Enjoy it.

 Mirika ( ITB ): 
Yeah, folks!  Don't want to infringe, so just enjoy!  Now, what other books have you written and where can the public purchase your titles via the web or stores?

I did release a book of poetry, My Heart’s Treasure, that was available online (Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com or Authorhouse.com). Once the distribution contract expired, I chose not to renew it. I think that there may be some used copies available online. I have written my first children’s book but it is still being illustrated. As soon as it becomes available, I will let you know. As I stated before, I’m working on my first novel. When I’m not working on that or the new website, I am putting together my next book of poetry, which is previewed in He’s Not Your Boyfriend If… 

Mirika, I’m sure that this is probably true for you as well, but I have numerous ideas and outlines for novels, short story collections, children’s books and poetry collections. As people become familiar with me and my work and buy my current book (shameless plug… He’s Not Your Boyfriend If… She’s Not Your Girlfriend If… A Rude, Offensive and Humorous Take on Unrequited Love, also available from Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, www.sunidaepublications.com or it can be ordered from your favorite bookstore) or order a custom written poem from my new website, I’ll be able to move forward with other projects. For self-publishers, financing book projects is challenging but I plan to meet every challenge and share my talents with the world.

With that said, I want to thank you again, Mirika, for giving me a moment to shine by introducing me to your readers. I truly appreciate the opportunity. To the readers, thank you for spending a little time with me where every day is a Suni Dae! Much love to you! Be blessed.

Mirika ( ITB ):  Sunida, it has been a great pleasure, and thank you for checking INN THE BASEMENT with me and keeping us fresh on what is going on and what is up and coming.  May God guide you through the rough spots and heal you through the broken ones.  Can't wait to read your childrens book!

Below is a poem, The Star, written by author and poet, Sunida York.

The Star

If something could be said to inspire and encourage you

It would be that although life can be difficult, you will make it through

Occasionally, mistakes and other obstacles will block your path along the way

You may have a brief detour but from the right road never stray

You will not be told to reach for the stars but that you are a star. It is your birthright

Within you is the ability to rise up and shine as brightly as anyone else, regardless of

your current plight

Define your vision, write down your goals, map your course and take action

Eventually, hard work and diligence will bring career success and satisfaction

It also helps to believe in yourself and to have faith in God or the higher power you

ascribe to

For when you hit a low point, your faith will restore your spirit and give you

purpose and direction anew

A word of caution… always choose your friends very carefully

They can bring problems into your life as easily as an enemy

While you are concentrating on achieving your particular goal,

Remember to also take good care of you… mind, body and soul

Although a great professional career will promote financial stability,

Good health can’t be bought even if you are wealthy

Know your strengths but work to strengthen your weaknesses, too

Know your worth for then you will know who is worthy of you

This is your life… of your future you are the star

You will go places… you determine where and how far

Sunida E. York ©2007 All Rights Reserved